Emotions can run high after a breast cancer diagnosis, and the news may evoke fear, grief, or denial. As the loved one of someone facing this reality, you're probably feeling unsure of what to do or say. You don't want to say the wrong thing (whatever that may be), but you also don't want to do nothing.
That reaction is ok. In fact, it's normal.
About 240,000 women and 2,100 men receive a breast cancer diagnosis every year in the US. It's the most commonly diagnosed cancer in women, after skin cancer. With an average of 1 in 8 women developing breast cancer, the chances are high that someone you love will be impacted in some way by this disease. And if that happens, you will want to be prepared to support your loved one in any way that you can.
Today, most people undergo outpatient treatments for cancer. They spend a few hours in a clinic and then head home to rest and recover. This is exactly the time friends and family can offer support and assistance.
The important thing is to show up for your loved one after a breast cancer diagnosis — to whatever degree you're able. Modern medicine offers us so much in terms of restoring physical health, but people still need that emotional support, that love and service that carries them through the medical side.
Here are 8 tips to support your loved one through breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and recovery:
1. Acknowledge how you feel, and process those feelings first.
Think: airplane oxygen mask. You have to take care of yourself before you can best support your loved one. You also don't want to put the burden of your own unhandled emotions onto your loved one. However, keep in mind that there's a difference between being vulnerable with someone and pouring your own emotional baggage into their lap. Be open — just don't expect your loved one to be the one comforting you through this process.
If you find you need a little extra help working through your emotions, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional such as a social worker or a psychologist. Or meet up with others who are on a similar journey at our Family and Friends Support group, which is open to caregivers, family members and friends aged 18 and older who are caring for a loved one with cancer.
2. Check in with your loved one.
Call to talk. Write a card. Email. Send a text. Let your loved one know you're thinking of them, and if they want to chat, you're ready. You might laugh at old memories or share something you're working on. Just make sure you're listening to your loved one and noticing where they are in the conversation — whether they want to rest, open up about their experience, or simply know you're there.
And don't be afraid of flat-out asking: "Do you want to talk about it?" Offer support, and validate their experience, without trying to solve it or make light of it.
3. Offer a ride to appointments.
Some days, the toughest part of treatment is figuring out the logistics. Ask your loved one if they'd like a ride to an appointment, and if you're up to it, you could also offer to meet the doctor with them and take notes. You could also check if they need any other transportation support. Maybe they can get to appointments but need someone to pick up their child from school.
4. Cook a meal, or send a care package.
Sometimes breast cancer treatment saps not only a person's energy, but their appetite. Offer to cook a meal for your loved one; they can always freeze it if they're not ready for it in the moment. Or they might appreciate that their family will be able to eat a home-cooked meal even if your loved one doesn’t have the energy to make it. If you're too far geographically to cook a meal, send a care package of goodies: fresh fruits, healthy snacks, or frozen soups, for example.
5. Go for a walk.
Your loved one might be exhausted, but studies show that getting out of the house — even for a brief walk down the street — boosts moods and shifts perspectives. Plus, many people find it easier to think, connect, and open up when in motion.
6. Take on some chores, such as laundry or vacuuming.
Even during cancer-free times, we all know that the daily tasks of running a house can stack up. When going through breast cancer treatment, your loved one won't always have the energy to keep up with everything as they normally would. Think about where you can step in. Fold laundry while you visit? Take the dog for a walk? Be mindful not to take over your loved one's space, but ask about specific tasks that might help lighten the load.
7. Care for the caregivers.
Acknowledge the people caring for your loved one daily, and let them take a break if you can. If you're too geographically far to take over for them for a bit, consider sending a meal or a one-time housekeeping service to take over some daily tasks.
8. Include your loved one.
People often fear being left behind when they go through a health challenge such as breast cancer. Include your loved one however you can, such as over video chat if you’re going out to dinner with a mutual friend, texting them photos when you come across things that remind you of them, or having a film club to watch and discuss a movie.
Overall, be there for your loved one — wherever they are. And be as grounded and in-the-moment as you can be. Breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is undeniably a challenging experience, but the more you can be there for your loved one, the better you’ll both be for it.
More About Breast Cancer Care at Chester County Hospital
Do you have a loved one who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer or who is going through treatment? Chester County Hospital offers a wide range of support groups for cancer patients and caregivers to help you no matter where you are in your journey.